It certainly has been for Lucy, who is now a sober alumni coordinator for Gateway Foundation
By Lucy Smith
My addiction changed my life forever. But addiction is only one piece of who I am—it’s not all of me.
I am many things—a mom, grandma, daughter, sister, friend, employee. But I’m most proud to be 11½ years sober and continuing along my journey.
Addiction disease affects one in 10 Americans—all races, income levels and ages. Addiction doesn’t discriminate. For many, this disease stems from unmanaged trauma, depression and anxiety, conditions many people grapple with today.
My story isn’t easy to read—it’s not even easy to write—but I’m sharing it so I can help others find their way into recovery.
I’m here to tell you recovery is possible, no matter how dark and hard the addiction gets.
My story isn’t easy to read—it’s not even easy to write—but I’m sharing it so I can help others find their way into recovery.
I took my first drink and tried marijuana at 10 years old, and from there, slowly, drugs and alcohol took over my life.
When I was young, I was married to a man with financial means. I felt like Cinderella. I had money, jewelry and a nice home. But I also endured abuse and infidelity, which drove me further into addiction. I filed for divorce at age 29 and was granted custody of our two kids. But I coped with the pain of my broken marriage with drugs and alcohol.
About a year later, I met my second husband. My life turned completely upside down at his birthday party when I did crack cocaine. Then I tried meth.
Things went from bad to worse. I lost custody of my children. I lost my house, my job and my sense of being.
In 2002, I became pregnant with my third child. He was born a month early due to my addiction and was taken immediately into custody by child protective services. At first, I saw my son only one hour a week, then not at all. Eighteen years later, I still have hope I will find him someday.
In 2009, I fell into a deep depression that lured me back to old habits and bad choices. With a backload of court cases from my years of substance use, I was facing more prison time.
My addiction overtook every aspect of my life until I went to jail in 2006, got clean and hoped after being released I could be a real mom again. A year later, while sober, I gave birth to my fourth child.
But in 2009, I fell into a deep depression that lured me back to old habits and bad choices. With a backload of court cases from my years of substance use, I was facing more prison time. Instead, I joined Drug Court in 2011, where I finally had a strong chance to change for good.
I entered recovery at Gateway Foundation—Illinois’ largest addiction treatment nonprofit—where I lived for 52 days. Then I attended Gateway’s intensive outpatient treatment program, followed by more therapy.
I was sober. My youngest child was doing well. I owned a home. I got a job, eventually rising to the ranks to general manager.
In February 2020, Gateway Foundation offered me a job as a sober alumni coordinator. This is the same nonprofit treatment center I entered as an addict, and now here I was on the other side, helping other people who battle addiction. I put my own experiences with this disease out there to help others in their own recovery. I know their struggle because I lived it, too.
I hope to continue using my voice to erase stigma and judgment around addiction. I urge those new to recovery to keep up the good fight.
Today, living more than a decade in recovery, the best advice I can give people on this journey is that it takes time. Time eventually fills your coping “toolbox” with what you need to change and grow into the person you are meant to be. Two of the most important tools in my toolbox are communication and honesty. My family reminds me that our collective strength and communication keeps us all moving forward.
Anybody who struggles with addiction understands that we each have our own recovery toolkit—it’s not a one-size-fits-all kit. We learn how to reach for the right tool for each situation, but it takes time and practice. Our go-to tools help us recognize the damage we did, give us the strength to make amends and guide us toward a sober future. We remember where we’ve been so that we never go there again.
I hope to continue using my voice to erase stigma and judgment around addiction. I urge those new to recovery to keep up the good fight. And for those of you just starting your journey, help is available. Each day is a new beacon of hope.
